8 Personal Stories of Heroin Addiction

One of the most stunning things about recovery is the similarities between your story of addiction and that of the next addict. Heroin addiction, especially, seems to provide its captives with a gut wrenching path from which few escape. Though the details—location, names, amounts, dates—change with each story, one thread remains the same: heroin addiction is deadly. The only hope is heroin rehab.

Heroin Rehab Works

In the words of Sean O’Conner, heroin rehab can help treat heroin addiction:

When I was stealing from my aunt and uncle and stealing from my neighbors, I was in a really bad place. Anything lying around and worth money—I took it. The night I overdosed, I was at my friend’s birthday party, and I got really drunk because I was waiting to get heroin and it wasn’t there yet. When my neighbor got some, I got a ride from the party to his house. I don’t really remember this, but from what people told me, after I shot up, I started freaking out [having seizures], and my neighbor propped me up against a tree, went back inside, and just left me there. Thankfully, another neighbor saw me outside and called the cops. The next thing I remember is waking up in the ambulance after they gave me the Narcan shot. They told me I had been having seizures and that I almost choked on my tongue.

After I relapsed, my mom said, “Go and get better or you’re done, no more family.” My first few days here I said, “F— this place, I’m leaving. I would rather sit in county [jail] for six to eight months.” Then one night I realized all the positive things about this place. I can get my high school diploma. I can get my family back. By the time I’m out, my probation will be over, I’ll have a large amount of clean time, and I’ll have more tools and coping skills to use when I’m back out in the world.

I’ve only been here 14 days today, but I’ve realized this is the place where I have to be, and it helps. Seeing people actually be here for seven, eight months helps. If they can do it, I can do it too.

Wendy Lee Nentwig

By Wendy Lee Nentwig
Guest Contributor

65 Responses

  1. kaitlyn turner June 6, 2011

    i have not ever done herion, but my boyfriend who i love more than anything has been battling it for years. way before i ment him, he was clean when we met but relasped and its been a horrible sruggle for the pastcouple of months. Its hard to know whats true and whats not when hes talking to me. and it has caused many of my own mental issues. IM not sure how to handle it, is there anybody who could talk to me about this?

    • Valeria W. June 18, 2011

      I’m sorry you’re going through this, Kaitlyn. A personal therapist is a good idea for you. Your focus should be on keeping yourself safe, no matter what. Don’t wait to find a professional therapist to talk to.

    • Monita One October 26, 2011

      good luck girl ,, I feel you 100 on this

    • Erica WA December 19, 2011

      I know EXACTLY how you feel, I love my boyfriend so much… A year ago he lost his job and went from completely sober to a complete Heroin addict. He has been using for almost a year now. It started out as “Recreational” but turned into 5X a day or more. I thought by moving to a new area that would change things, but unfort it got worse. Im at my witts end now. His family knows. He acts like he wants to change but lies through his teeth. It makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I have ENABLED him in so many ways. I WILL NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY ANYMORE> I keep asking myself what can I do to make him better? Alls I do now is pray. He says after XMAS he will go to rehab, but at this point I have NO IDEA. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealth with. Half the time he doesnt even sleep in the bed with me and is up all night long. I KNOW HE WILL NOT CHANGE FOR ME, but he has a little girl. People tell me all the time to leave him, but I just cant. I love him so much. Im getting to a point where now I dont know what else to do, He lies and has stolen money from me. I have been supporting him and I for the past year and my life has become so depressing… He goes weeks without himself. Its really sad, when he finally is back its so nice having him again, but it doesnt last long, its like living with 2 different people. I have tried everything from subboxan to his family knows. I dont know what else to do now??? Every time I try to talk to him he changes the subject. Does anyone have any advice for me? I just keep holding on to my faith that things will get better, but when he uses sometimes he becomes mean. Im always finding black marks and foil. I dont want him to die. I am so beyond scared for him. What else can I do now?

    • hayley trusler January 8, 2012

      The only way he will get over his problem is alone,I know this from experience. I was addicted with my ex boyfriend for five years and we tried to quit together and we relapsed for a year. Now this time I quit alone and I’m a month clean. He needs to really really want this. Good luck.

    • Victoria July 19, 2012

      My boyfriend did tje same. I found myself, with mental problems from his lies. So I chose to join him. I did,h for about 4 months. About a half ounce a day between me and him. Now we are kicking… 3 days clean. Still in hell . Don’t blame tje person. Blame the drug because its one hell of a drug. The smell of vinegar told me I was going to get high. The tie off and tje needles… I loved sticking myself ….but neither I nor my boyfriend can do it anymore. Hopefully tommorrow is a better day because I’m still so sick.

  2. mom c August 25, 2011

    where’d he go?
    he was just here giggling on the floor as his daddy tickled him.
    he was just here hiding in the laundry room sneaking more cookies while sitting tucked away behind the open dryer.
    he was just riding his bike for the first time!
    boy he loved the waves
    he was so proud when he tackled everyone on the opposing team, even if they didn’t have the football. gave dad the thumbs up.
    he was just out on his first date.
    he was stunningly handsome dressed for prom
    he was so drunk when he came home last night
    why was he covered in blood tonight
    why can’t i stop the pain he’s feeling in his body from the heroin detox
    where’s he going now?

  3. sharon October 7, 2011

    my son is tryin to get his life back

  4. Justme October 13, 2011

    I am the daughter of a heroin addict. He passed due 2 his h.i.v. Status back in I believe it was 2002, im unsure of the dates because he was never really a part of my life. When I was younger he tried 2 come around from time 2 time, but he was either high or telling me stories about his niece & nephews birthday parties he had attended… He was NEVER at any of my birthdays or anything…. I resented this as a kid, who am I kidding I still do ): I am always researching addiction stories trying 2 understand why he was the way he was. I eventually ended up in a relationship with a heroin addict! I didnt know hed ever even done it until we had been 2gether 4 a year & had a baby on the way. I stayed with him 4 over 7 yrs & we ended up having 2 children 2gether… I think my children are lucky as he doesnt ever come around. Of course there is no child support but my children never go without & have pretty much everything they want. I worry EVERYDAY that they are going 2 somehow repeat the cycle tho… ):

    • Curt November 18, 2011

      You surely realize that you have managed to dodge the addiction bullet twice in your life. How often could that happen and why does your soul attract that element without you being part of it? I am glad you never did it cause I am strung out on it now and I am wonderin what its doin to my kids. I hope it disgusts them so they NEVER try it. They would be addicts from the jump probably, considering both parents are. Their mom isn’t around cause she chose to take off and really relish in her life “choices” So basically if it weren’t for my parents my family would be f…,d because my kids got swindled out of the opportunity to have descent parents hecause of our selfish decisions. It will be a wonder if they don’t hate me or even worse bring the shit I put my parents through back on me 2 fold. I have given up on understanding addiction because there is no logical reason for anyone to do what we do. I been down this road for over a decade and I HATE junkies but at the same time I am one. One confusing situation

      • Just me February 22, 2012

        CURT… im not sure you will see this, as I dont know if or when u come on here, I do realize I dodged that bullet 2ce & am so thankful 4 that!! I do fear 4 my younger son as of late he has been getting in trouble… Refuses 2 do school work…he’s started smoking (he’s 11) Has been put in juvi recently 4laying with fire… I am terrified 4 him!! :/
        Have my fears done this 2 him? Is it my choices in life? Is he started down that fatal road? I love my boy with all my heart! I do not want 2 watch him go down that road… I cant watch him go down it!!

  5. Monita One October 26, 2011

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year now.. In all reality we spent about two months with one another physically because he’s been locked up. The drug was the thing that got him put in prison, he’s been a heroin addict for a while this is the way I met him this is the way I learned to love him, he opened up his heart to me and shared his life story with me. No one has ever done that. He’s an amazing person and we will make it out. I hope that one day he can really overcome this challenge he is facing. I do stress over it and it scares me but all we can really do is pray and hope they can get better. Heroin is a very powerful drug. It takes over people’s lives and destroys homes. Best wishes to all.. This is not easy..

  6. be November 9, 2011

    My husaband is a heroin addict. He’s been for the past 7 years and now he put himself in a bad position.he lost his son and took him to his aunts to stay for a while only until he gets back up on his feet. Its a horrible drug and the things they do just to get it is just terrible. He’s going for treatment but it scares me that when he gets out it will start all over again. I wil help him get through this and plan to take a family drug abuse counseling. I love him dearly. I don’t want to see him die of an overdose or die period. I pray everyday for god to help him. He’s on the right track now but for how long?

  7. Curt November 18, 2011

    Heroin is the devil in chemical form. It totally takes control of every aspect of your life. I am struggling with the decision to go back to rehab and maybe catch something that I obviously missed the last time. I feel like I am 2 totally different people in the same body. I hate that I have to get “high” to even feel “normal” I am so sick without it so I have done some really really messed up things to my family on this journey that somehow along the way I evidentally chose. Addiction is my curse and it feels like mental prison. I don’t want to do it but can’t do what I need to do through the day without it cause I am going to be hemmed up on the bed sweating and freezing at the same time. Nausia and diarreah next, then there is the guilt and feeling like the piece of shit I have become. Its hard for people to continue loving you when you take everything from them. I don’t know who looks back at me in the mirror but I don’t like him. I wonder is there anyone out there that is truly happy that used to get high and now doesn’t? These are not normal questions to ask but this is the mind of a junkie. My every thought revolves around heroin or in slim times, pills to run in my juggler cause all the other veins are done! I don’t even know why I am writing this. I think to give you a glimpse of what the person you love is dealing with regardless of what they are telling you. Manipulators and liars is what is left when the junk isn’t in the junkie anymore. The bloodlust of a vampire!!

    • stephanie f December 9, 2011

      you asked for an example of someone who was really deep in heroin addiction, and who isn’t anymore.

      i’ve been only clean about two and a half months, and i’m extremely happy, not every waking second, but you know what.. that’s okay and it never used to be okay. i can relate to every single thing you said about heroin, i’ve so been there a lot of times. i’m not sure what was different this last time in rehab, i’ve been to nine. but i would just pray every morning and every night, i did yogo everyday, and i talked to people who didn’t want to use anymore instead of talking to the kids who were just there to get outta jail. and i’m not sure when it changed from me “trying to be happy” to be actually being happy. but it did. i’m scared this is going to wear off, but at the same time, if i stay grateful then i think i’ll be on the right path. just get the dope outta your system, the rest follows as long as you stay clean and really work at it. i didn’t say every day has been a rose garden, but my worst day clean is better than my best day high, and that’s no shit right there. hey… if you get clean, and stay clean for a year and nothing is better in your life, you can always go back to living how you’re living right now, so why not give it a shot….

  8. lana graham January 25, 2012

    ive been addicted to heroin then crack since 16 . Got in with wrong peeps n im from good family background so people that say ur abused or bad family r reading from txt books n dont know shit. I was in 2 very violent relationships ended up on the frontline in bradford then truthfully situations ive been in im lucky im writing this. My way of been able to support my addiction was prostitution n getting beatings if didnt raise enough money. Now im 43 just done 2 years in jail 4 supplying .Got 2 halfcast boys that are going down the wrong rd? But what can i say they sell not smoke 1 is constantly in n out of jail hes angry. i have done wot i had to by working the streets so they had the best.so after the jail sentance was a reality check now clean but cos of past n jealous people police keep cumin through my door .im just on 30ml meth sat writing this listenin 2 A.keys love me like this is gona be the last time

  9. Meliza Beukes February 16, 2012

    I am a Heroin and Crack addict for the past 10 and a half years. It all first started off with some dope here and there all by myself when I came home from work. Then one Saturday Evening I decided to go out the the local club to blocks away from where I used to stay. Met up with a crowd of people, could see that they were definitely not “normal” and booze couldn’t do that to them. I went to the bathroom where one of the girls followed me and asked me if I would like to have fun with them and took out 2 blue diamond and said I should take it immediatly and after a couple of minutes I will feel like I am in heaven. Since that evening my road to addiction started. It went on and on for about 6 months until I had to leave for pretoria to go and stay there as I couldn’t stay longer at the place I used to stay. I admit that I was very weak, it was just after I gave my 1st child (Boy) away for adoption. In the beginning I was on my own where I stayed and tried not to make contact with anybody as I was to scared to fall into a trap again. Not 3weeks later a guy came up t me at the hotel where I stayed and asked me why I am so distant from everybody and why don’t I have friends. I told him that I am going through a very hard time and that I have so much pain I could die. He said to me that I should come with him as he has the perfect medication for me that would take all my pain away. I could have said no but it was something new and my will wasn’t strong enough to say no. He took a bag out with white stuff in and said I must just take a bit and snort it. Well what more can I say, it carried on like that for a few days, and around about the 6 day I couldn’t stay without it anymore. I started buying the shit for me and for him and that is how he used me. He didn’t have alot of money so there I was supporting his habbit to. From there it went to chasing the dragon and when that wasn’t good enough anymore I started spiking. Until today I am fighting this battle just to get the chains cut off so that I can start a new life with my baby boy of 9 months old. Have been in 7 rehabs and not long after I came out I fell back when meeting up with the same group of people. I got the treatment here at home but just can’t get the guts to start and suffer for the first 4 days of hell. I badly want to stop, and I know it’s only me who can do it. I’m going on 30 years now and had more than enough to give all my money to the dealers and hardly have anything in my own place. I truly believe that God will help me if I give all my worries and problems to Him and I just have to Commit myself fully.

  10. Abby February 24, 2012

    My fiancé just overdosed, we have a 6 month old baby girl. I know he wanted to stop many times and I don’t think it’s that they are lying its that they Litterly cannot do it. They won’t stop for anyone but themselves. I wish I would have taken him to rehab. I feel like its the only way. He was in counseling and they knew and didn’t do anything! So that doesn’t help. My finances was laced with something else he was un aware of. He told me he thinks it’s bad but for some reason decided to keep doing it. Weather they think they can handle it or not, one bad bag can kill them. My daughter now doesn’t have a daddy. He was a very good daddy bit it kept getting the best of him. If you are with one or know one ask them to go to rehab right away. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Do an intervention if you have to. Make them go! They may be mad but will thank you later. They will realize you only care about their future. Please do something to help cause they can’t help themselves and won’t admit they need help unless you initiate it.

  11. jay jarod averitt March 5, 2012

    Today i am sitting at work a place where i have been for over 17 months now. first job in my life i have been at for over a year. a huge reason for not holding a job was because i was activly using dope for almost 6 years living just day by day to get what, i believed i needed. I have tired many times before to get clean moving around from state to state running from what i thought was what ever city or town i was using in. I have been to jail countless times for different things mainly for trying to support my horrible habbit
    I have been sober since june 10 2010… I went through a six month program called New Freedom in prescott arizona the greatest experience of my life even know it was hard at times i had some of the best moments of my life there.followed a strict set of house rules and started working a solid 12 step program. i learned so much in that six months about my disease and my self.
    since i gradutated in december 2010 i continued what i learned in the houes with staying connected in the rooms and remain to practice the steps in my everyday life. I could not be happier with where my life is today i have been in a very succesful relationship for over 5 months to a girl who i abslolutey love and we are about to move into together.
    so this comming form a bottom of the barrel junkie whos soul mission was to use to die what ever program u get into just dedicate your time and follow what ever suggestions they have to offer because for my all of those suggestions saved my life.
    it is scary getting sober at first but after a while u start to see the real treasures that life has to offer so stick with it get honest open and willing to do what ever it takes to get yourself to a place where you are happy waking up everyday and now have the evil grasp of addiction guiding you through you day

    • The Canyon March 7, 2012

      Hey Jay, thanks for sharing! Have you ever thought about telling your story on HeroesinRecovery.com? I bet it would inspire others to take the journey of recovery just like you have. Keep up the good fight. Thanks.

  12. jack March 6, 2012

    Im hooked once again after being 6 years clean, but this time its worse I dont know how to stop. The urge to use is freaking crazy, I want to stop and I have tried many times but always come back to the smack and I hate it. Maybe I should go to rehab but if I tell my family they will be crushed as I have hidden my addiction pretty dam good this time. Man I dont know what to do?

    • The Canyon March 7, 2012

      Hey Jack, we care about your situation and understand how difficult it is. One of our counselors will reach out to you soon if he/she hasn’t already. If ever you need a listening ear or a helping hand, please call us at 877-714-1319.

      • jack March 19, 2012

        I live in Australia. I hate heroin I just want to stop, I get through the withdrawls, it’s just the cravings they drive me crazy.
        Thanks for your reply.

  13. fiifi March 15, 2012

    i am fiifi from Ghana(africa). I have an addict friend whose life has been very misreable ever since he started using drugs ; he wears da same clothes for about a month and still feels normal. He was my bestfriend and still is, but it scares me to see and hear horrible stories about him from stealing to lies and all.He’s at my place and i strongly believe he feels intimidated by me and other mates who all also trying hard to get a life and make ends meet.I would like to know if its adviceable for him to smoke cigratte?hes been clean for about a week now….God help dope addicts

  14. Jimmy March 29, 2012

    Sitting on the iPad at eight in the morning after dropping the wife of at work. Been clean , American in dubai, for six months now. Aside from a few codine and tylenol tabs completely clean. But the six months before in Kabul Afghanistan, buying a gram of pure brown dope, or 10mg morphine vials from the pharmacy, each for two dollars, life was rough. I went to work every day, but had a twenty dollar a day habit that would have cost me 400 a day in the us. Wife gave me descision, her or dope. No suboxone, no methadone. Just thinking how much I love dope vs. how much I love my wife. I made the rit call, but I will always be a doper. A 400,000$ a year making MIT Masters holder from one of the best known family’s in jersey. But, alas , I’m clean today, and can just hope for the same tomorrow.. Good luck guys. I kicked twice, you can too

  15. Jenny Francis April 14, 2012

    Wow.I have been a heroin addict on and off for 10 years.I met a bad boyfriend when I was 15 who introduced me to it I also have my eldest child with him (he left me a lifelong gift and a lifelong curse).I can’t help but feel how lucky u are to have been given the opportunity of rehab,I live in Britain and rehabs are expensive.I have been on methadone for 8 years and have managed to get clean several times but my partner ( and father of my youngest son) is also an addict when I’m strong he’s weak and vise versa so its really hard.I am a good mum and my boys DO NOT know I am an addict but I often wonder why my beautiful kids arnt enough for me??? I get nothing from using (I could inject 5 times a day and feel like I’ve had nothing) but I’m still addicted to using in itself.In England its called ‘needle fever’ u are addicted to every aspect of using not just the drug itself.my family all think I’m clean i don’t want to break their hearts again.I’ve hit rock bottom a million times over and if it wasn’t for my boys I’d have done myself in just to escape the futility that is my life as a smackhead,so many of my friends are dead (either overdosed or hung themselves) and most of the other addicts I know are losing legs and arms from injecting.I have just found out i have hepatitis c so my addiction is winning,help!

  16. Anndi K. May 16, 2012

    I sincerely “get it” to all of u whom r heroin addicts. Heroin addicts r far different from any other kind of addict. Whether u r on your first downfall, or your 1st or tenth rehab stay and every where inbetween, u r in it for life. It is truly a LiFE sentence. i’M IN THE SAME BOAT AS U ALL… but i am also in the health care profession…..
    I have had many heroin addicts on my caseload. I sincerely wish I could take all your pain away, believe me i am suffering too. U R not alone. Soboxone helps to get your life back, it lets u become a “functiong addict” using dope once a week or once a month while on soboxone is certainly better than the day 2 day hell. If u can stay away from dope while on soboxone all the power to u but what i mean is if u have to use once or twice a week or month to get the urge out of your system there is nothing wrong with that.

  17. Amanda May 20, 2012

    Hi I had the most tramatic expierence I woke up this morning and basically found my boyfriend of 5 years dead his eyes were rolled in the back of his head he was cold not breathing I started punching his chest and kept doing it till the emts got here I jolted his heart by doing that I keep seeing the images and I dont know if ill ever be ok I keep yhinking anout it I wanted to know if there somewhere I can go to get help woth this tramatic expierence

  18. jhd June 8, 2012

    i am a mother of an addict and need help – how to deal with my son, lies, promises etc.
    his ex wife blames us for everything-enabling, refusing to see the problem-
    my son’s girlfriend started him on heroin but really he must take the responsibility for that-i don’t know where to go from here-it’s tearing up our marriage

    • jack June 10, 2012

      Thats a tough one jhd, dont give him any money no matter what your son tells you. He has probally told you every sad story he can make up. I know ive done the same thing. Send him to rehab, if he won’t go then you have too put your foot down and lose all contact with him until he becomes clean and sober. Hope this helps.

      By the way im just a addict in recovery, you should really seek professional advice. But that’s what my family did to me. No money, the cold shoulder etc. This addiction will be with your son for life. Good luck, and try to talk to a professional.

    • Adam August 22, 2013

      My story is a little different! I have been with my wife 4 1/2 years and we have two beautiful children 2 and 3 years old. I am self employed and had my wife overseeing jobs for us. July 4 she ran off with one of my subcontractors employees. This guy is a convicted felon for distribution of heroin, pending charges for the same and “recovering heroin addict” but not attending any types of meetings. She has been on the fence about coming home but continues to stay with him! Her moods are up and down, she is severely depressed and suffers PTSD. She came by the house last week and had taken some pills and said she felt “high”. I know for a fact that he is hooked on pain pills and is a insane person! I’m not sure if she is on it or not, but it appears she is. I’m concerned for her number one but also concerned about the kids being around her! I will not let the children be around him! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

  19. kimberly June 16, 2012

    I have been addicted to heorin for almost a year now and I’m only 21 years old. Everytime I pick up the needle it makes me sick to my stomach, but I still do it. The sickness takes over me. I don’t feel as if I can’t take. The puking, diahrea, cold chills, etc. I don’t feel as if I can come over this. I was doing pretty good with not using until my boyfriend broke up with me. I truly love him with all my heart, but when he found out about the heroin he didn’t even want to hear anything about it. It left me heart broken and every time I think about it. It makes me want to get high even more. Because it makes you feel as if every problem you ever had goes away when you are high. It makes you forget about everything. But even though I still use heroin I can say that I hate it. I want to stop but its just so hard to stop. Nobody around me understands how hard it is to stop. I want help. I don’t want to wind up killing myself. I just don’t know what to do.

  20. phil June 23, 2012

    I was addicted to heroin for about 2 and a half years, now almost 3 and a half years clean. I started using during my junior of high school, after a year or so of messing around with pills. When I was 19, I came home from work one winter night to find my fiancee, Jenna, on the ground next to the couch with a needle next to her. I tried to give her CPR but the EMTs said she had been dead before I got home. She was my best friend from the day I met her on my 9th birthday, and I loved her more than anything in the world. Now I miss her every day. Please, I know how hard it can be, but do your best to stop using. And if someone you know is struggling with heroin addiction, try to get them help. I walk around with a hole in my heart every day now because of this terrible drug. You don’t want to wait for something that bad to happen to quit.

  21. lifebythedrop July 16, 2012

    My ex boyfriend relapsed on heroin while we were together. He left me. Just completely abandoned me one day. It’s been over a year and we just recently came into contact again. We talked about everything and he just kept apologizing saying that he loves me but he had to save me from him. He said he was terrified of getting me on dope. He says that his life is just a mess and that I make him happy but he makes himself and everyone sad and that I’m just way too good for him. He said that he misses me terribly and that the only way for him to deal with everything that happened is to stay as high as humanly possible. He’s been battling this for fourteen years and has just basically accepted that this is his fate and it will kill him. He says he hates it and wants to stop so bad. He hasn’t talked to me in three weeks. Won’t answer my calls or emails. I just don’t know what to do? Why won’t he let me near him? I want to help him so bad but he just cuts me out of his life.

    • rjamal July 20, 2012

      @ lifebythedrops: I am going through the same thing and at this point i dont want him back. All the lies and shuting me out and the cheating. Dealing with a heroin addict is like hell. I’m glade he is gone and him not speaking is a blessing and leaving is a gift.5 years of thus was enough and it won’t change till u push him away or leave. Honestly its better when they leave on there own . My addict thought he could move from new jersey to north Carolina and that was the cure. Wrong. He is still messed up. Got worst. Sobber but.not.recovered. I know it hurts but really u need to let him go. Heroin addicts are rough. I’m hurting bad because of one

  22. rjamal July 20, 2012

    P.s. his family they made it worst. I don’t think he will b around long. I’m just waiting for that phone call telling me he has passed away. I love him so much but his family and addiction behaviors has tourn me and honestly part of me hates him.

  23. Danielle August 2, 2012

    I left my husband today. He is an herion addict for about 6 months now. He was always half dead on the couch, not able to talk hardly, Eyes rolled back in his head, he stole 10k worth of items from his grandma and now has a felony over his head. I found needles in my house in several occasions. I am scared, I am lost. I know the best thing to do for me and my kids is to leave. He blames me for everything, he has turned people againest me calling me mean and all I do it b*tch,. I b*tch because his addiction has drained us financially and emotionally. We have two kids a 8 yr old and a 2 yr old. A boy and a girl. He does nothing with them. He cant keep a job. So. today I left. Can someone please tell me if a adddict will hit rock bottom and see everyone has left them. Will they change and want their family back. I feel like i can lose control at any min. His addiction has consumed our lives. Any input would be awesome!

    • Colleen DeJohn August 6, 2012

      Danielle – you did the right thing. You are enabling him if you continue to stay. He has no boundaries. You have done nothing wrong and are not a bi*tch. Only he can do heroin, you don’t make him do it. And only he can stop doing it. You should go to a Nar-non meeting for help. Good luck.

  24. nader August 15, 2012

    I am 24 y/o and have been addicted to heroin for a little over a year now. I have tried to quit on my own three times in the past getting to 6 days clean(with very low doses of suboxone) but then I relapse. Today while wrighting this I am one day clean, but I have that horrible voice in the back of my head asking why im going through this you know your going to give in. I told my parents in hopes I would have some support I didnt have in the past but that doesnt seem to help much. I only smoke it i dont inject it so the fear from overdose just really isnt there for me. I use to go to the gym everyday and had a great productive life now all I can think about is getting high and I hate what iv become. I just dont know what to do and I feel like rehab wont help and I just dont really want to go.

    • johnny August 23, 2012

      hey bub whats your number i can give you some pointers

  25. Crystal August 30, 2012

    I found out Monday that my boyfriend, who I live with, is shooting up heroin. I never questioned the way he acted, always told me he was tired from work until one day I looked in his backpack and found about 20 needles and a couple spoons. I was so shocked and hurt I felt so sick. He lied at first made some stupid story up and then told me the truth. How could I be so d*** blind, I love him so much and I couldnt imagine not being with him. He says he will quit, even threw out his needles…i hope! I want to believe him but after all these stories I fear its all lies. I will leave him if I find out he hasnt stopped. My family and friends wont talk to me now cause I want to help him, I dont want him to die. I just dont think I can leave.

    • B September 15, 2012

      Crystal
      I know how you feel.. that pain in your chest fearing that he is going to die
      how are you doing?
      B

  26. B September 15, 2012

    My boyfriend (f) has been a h addict for over 6 years… He is the love of my life and that will never change… We had been friends for over 10 years and i had secretly been in love with him.. when i thought there was no way he would love me back, i started seeing someone and f slowly disappeared out of my life.. he wouldn’t answer my calls or messages and just faded away.. stopped hanging out with our friends and just vanished.. eventually everyone gave up on him.. i never stopped thinking of him or missing him but i eventually stopped trying to contact him… when i heard he was on h… my heart shattered.. i was not going to let him die like this… i left my a**hole ex bf and tracked f down… we laid in bed together and held hands and talked about our past… i told my stories that he missed out on for the 5 years he was gone.. and he listened and laughed… it was the best feeling ever….we were together again.. and everything was going to be ok…
    then one day he stopped returning my messages and his mum told me he has gone away.. rehab i assumed but she wouldn’t say.. she didn’t know i knew.. he didn’t know i knew..
    i waited.. and i was going to continue waiting.. to prove to him i really did love him… and always did…. and he was the one i always wanted to be with..
    our beautiful relationship started in october 2011… i had never felt so in love or felt so much love… it was real… and puke worthy.. family would look at us looking at each other and feel sick…
    when i discovered he was still using the 3 days when he wasn’t with me.. i was sad.. i wanted to help him… he needed me to believe in him.. he said if i believe in him.. he can do it… i believed in him… i resigned from work and decided to spending everyday together.. because being with me gave him the strength to stop…
    but the desire.. the craving came back a month later.. then a month later… thats good right? better than everyday…i shouldve been happy.. i shouldve been grateful.. but everytime he told me he wanted to use i went hysterical.. it made him want to use even more… if only i had known what i know now…
    once a month suddenly became once a fortnight… ‘its in my head’ … what can i do… i let him..
    when i decided i had to go back to work and earn money, it became weekly… and now… daily…
    i enabled the behaviour… i thought it was safer for him to use it with me than out on the street and what if he od’d?. we used to go for a drive to find a dealer.. me looking out the passenger window, tears rolling down my eyes… him looking straight ahead with one hand on my thigh comforting me… when he started using everyday… i finally told him.. i believe in him and i wasn’t funding it anymore.. i decided to turn a blind eye.. believe in him and let him do it his way….he said he was getting better…..
    thats when the pawning started… the stealing from his family…. i was angry… but shamefully, i was glad it wasn’t my things he was pawning… he had respect for me.. he would never touch my things…..
    then one day i come home and my laptop is missing… how could he? he is out of control… what do i do? how do i react? im angry, hurt, furious, helpless.. when is this ever going to end? how is this ever going to end? he says he wants to stop.. ‘of course i want to get better’ ‘it has to get better’ ‘i am getting better’ ‘i will get better’ ‘trust me’
    i go through a hundred different emotions.. my emotions are constantly in bipolar mode… i love him.. i love him so much.. i believe him.. i believe in him…. but i hate him… i hate h… i hate his love for h… he says h is not the same.. it doesn’t feel good like before… but he still does it… he can’t stop himself… but he won’t go to rehab…. he won’t go to detox… he can’t last 3 days without using…. i can’t remember the last time he hugged me tight without h in his blood.. giving him the warmth he passes onto me… where did he go? i have to look at our old photos to see him again…. when he speaks.. i feel myself not wanting to listen.. i have no more emotion… i am numb to his words and actions….
    i love him… i feel sad reading everyones stories… i thought he was an exceptional case… he is such a good person… before he relapsed i was his world.. i came first.. i was his centre… when he is hanging out… i hate him… i hate the look in his eyes… i hate him when he turns into the addict… i used to just want him to hurry up and use so he would be loving again…
    now…. nothing… he goes out for days, nights.. trying to make money to pay for the mistakes he made… i know he feels trapped… he is in a cycle he can’t get out of… anything i say… will make him want to use.. i am sad… but my sadness will make him use.. my anger… will make him use…. will my fake happiness help him want to stop? i have gone through livid explosive rage where i hate him… he lies… he steals.. he doesn’t love me… but then i remember.. its not him… but then i think… why can’t he want to stop… how can you keep the faith in someone when they say they want to stop.. that they will stop. but they show no signs of slowing down.. and they get angry at you when you accuse them of not wanting to stop…
    will i ever come to learn to control my emotions? i believe in him unconditionally? do i keep letting him use whenever he wants in the hope that he will stop on his own? do i kick him out so he experiences life on the street? im confused… i want to be strong… i want to show him my love again… i don’t want to show him my anger anymore…
    is anybody here able to tell their story… where their loved one has returned to them? i wish i could read someones story to give me and other people hope that things can get better…
    i dont really expect a response that will magically make everything better…
    i guess if anyone who is going through what i am going through wants to talk.. it might help us get through it together… its hard to speak to friends.. they are supportive but they will never really understand…

  27. Distiny September 24, 2012

    You’ll never get off heroine unless you get yourself on the saboxzone program, methadone is just as hard to get off, actually it is just as bad as smack to come off..
    I battled with heroine & chemist program’s for 17 yrs, my eldest son is 18 yrs in 2 mths. Now I’m a mum of another 2 beautiful kids.. So I have finally kicked it all as I watched my 2 be son born on methadone, it broke my heart, never again.. So now I’m in a great relationship with my kids father, who is clean, heisted to burn heroine but his been clean for years.. Just so lucky his stuck by me for the last 11yrs..
    If you want better for your self, your the only one that can do it.. So get up off your arse & do something to better your life” & your family members…

  28. Gale September 27, 2012

    What helps me is Alanon. It is a way of life..solutions that work. Can you save him? No only God can. You can however learn to take care of yourself and give him to God. Let go and let God..get out of God’s way. Role model healthy behavior. You are sick now also..it effects us the family and loved one’s of the addict. You can’t fix him. Setting healthy boundaries and not tolerating bad behavior is imperative. Taking care of yourself and getting yourself back will give you a perspective that you lost. There is hope..one day at a time God bless you

  29. Grace October 18, 2012

    I just wanted to let all of you know my story. My boyfriend was on heroin for 10 years. He and i got together may2011 and are still together. He has been clean for one year as of yesterday10/17/&2. It was really hard for him and he still struggles on occasion but he has done it all without rehab or meds. The one thing that helped him the most was addicting himself to something else, something positive. Work,me and our kids. He has 3 kids I have one and we have one together.

  30. liz October 22, 2012

    I’v been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we have been friends for 10 years, he started taking heroin 7 years ago, i’v never done it, im a good girl and well respected, I need advise from someone who has been bang on the brown as I love my bloke so much I can’t leave him, I need to know if he does love me and it just coz of the drug that there are no signs there, or is he just using me? He’s always stressy, we hav only had sex 3 times since we got together, he can go missing for days on end, hes in n out of prison all the time, and I don’t believe a word he says anymore, everything he says is a lie it’s like he doesn’t want to be clean. I need to know does he love me or am I just being used. How can u love someone and only sleep with them 2-3 times in a year n a half. He’s in prison again now and will be for quite some time this time. Do I wait for him? I will but not if he doesn’t love me back.

  31. maryann November 25, 2012

    Oh god, please help me. I am the mother of a 25 yr old heroin addict. He has gone to rehab and was out in July of 2012. I wanted to believe in him sooo much and have done all I can do. I believe that he is still using…dont know how often. He managed to get a good job in an apprenticeship program and I’m so afraid he will lose it. I live on pins and needles worrying about his future and him losing this life long opportunity. He still manipulates me…paying his phone bill etc…I am at my wits end. What do I do? i know that i should not give him money…but he is so good at these stories. I feel it is my fault if he loses his job. I don’t know what to do anymore. I try and not be judgemental thinking that he may be telling truths with needing tools etc…I am in a terrible nightmare.

  32. kim December 1, 2012

    Maryann get to Al anon it will help you learn to take better care of yourself.. As a matter of fact it will help anyone on here who is in a relationship with someone who has an addiction. I totally understand what you are going through. There are also meetings online for those of you who would feel better at first to stay more anonymous. Good luck to you and keep praying.

  33. Deanna December 10, 2012

    i need help..so badly. I have been using opiates recreationally for the past 6 years, and only a few months ago started to bang the drugs, I always felt in control but that has completely gone away, I’m only 22, and am battling knowing I want to quit to honestly not caring about my life, I feel like I’ve already ruined my life and myself. I hide things well, no one has any idea how bad I am but me, most people don’t even know I do drugs. I can goto work feeling like crap n pull it off n get complements on how good I do. Ha. I went from this pretty, intelligent student whom everyone said was going places to just kinda not caring if I die at this point. I feel like there’s no return from this fire pit I’m burning alive in. I feel so alone, I can’t keep on pretending im doing great n everything’s fine, I can’t force this smile anymore.

  34. Jo December 25, 2012

    Ive read and re-read all the above posts. Even the date of mine,clearly shows the depth of the misery this evil drug has helped cause. My Ex partner is a Heroin addict,hhe breached his tag on friday,I have no idea where he is now. Before he left,he relieved me of my childrens Xmas presents,and various other things,all of which I cannot replace. This is the 2nd time,it wil be the last.I grieve for the man he was before drugs,but in my head that man has gone,to be replaced by a monster who has torn my previously happy family apart. As I sit her on Xmas day,with no presents to give,I find myself full of hatred and disgust,not like me at all,or at least it wasnt like me. My heart goes out to all of you who are sufferring the pain and worry of an addicts life,but I truly believe that no addict recovers while being loved and supported,it only assists him/her in maintaining their hopeless existances. I wish I could offer a heart warming story of conquering this drug,but more accurately it has reduced me to a sad and lonely isolated woman,and Ive never even smoked. Think very carefully before you give your heart to an addict,they will almost certainly come back for your lungs and liver.

  35. christine January 26, 2013

    Wow, I am not alone!! All of your stories describe my life. Five years with a man who started on pain pills and progressed to heroin for the past year. He was a union painter making 32.00 an hour and lost his job because he wouldnt show up or he had to leave because he didnt feel well. We had it all at one time, love, money, a beautiful relationship and home. I finally kicked him out last week when I found him collapsed on the garage floor with a syringe in hand. Now I am in foreclosure on my home and I feel lost. I love him more than anything in this world but have lost the battle. He will never be the man I once adored. For all you women out there who are trying to get him sober just get out before its too late.

  36. l February 13, 2013

    my boyfriend who is my world has relapsed.im so scared and unaware of what i can or cant do.i fear so bad for him and i love him so much but i can no longer help him pls help :'(

  37. Kate April 25, 2013

    I lived with a heroin addict for 10 years, I’m only 33 years old,
    I met him at 18 and we started the relationship when we were 23.
    The whole time I was trying to help him and make him a better man,
    He stoled from a lot of people and me, I gave him many chances a lot of
    Times and took him to detox and rehab programs, he went to jail 4 times
    the last time he got parole and was sent to an integrity house, he was
    A different person got his GED and changed his vocabulary he was a better
    Person but just before coming home from the program
    He was very stressed and told me that he wasn’t ready
    To be a better man and that he was so scared of what was going to
    Happen n the outside world… He was supposed to come home
    To me and we were planing to start a family but he left
    With a girl that was in the program with him, they were on
    Different houses but I don’t know how they met and he started to
    Mess with her, I’m going through a lot now, I’m sick
    Can’t sleep the food has no Taste and I have nausea..
    He was a very caring and loving person ” the perfect lover”
    It’s been two weeks and I still cry and wonder a lot of things
    But now I’m starting to realize that all the love and the promises
    The plans and everything WAS JUST MANIPULATION. Sadly but true
    He used me for 10 years. He needed someone to be there for him but he
    Never really loved me, because when he found someone like him
    And with the money to support their addiction he left me.
    The girl is an addict n also a drug dealer.
    To the good girls like me [ let me tell you, I don't do drugs, drink or smoke, I work and
    Go to school] so if someone with an addiction is holding you down
    Please open your eyes? They are going to tell you that your their queen and
    That love you and can’t see themselves with out you and bla bla… They have the
    Talent to manipulate others and used them, I feel so bad I really loved
    This Person but I think God put this situation here so I can learned and open
    My eyes… I saw him 3 days ago and he was the coldest person I ever seen, really
    Mean and nasty WHERE WAS THE LOVE THAT HE HAD FOR ME?? Sad but true
    He just used me. He is only a body with no feelings… How did I believed him for 10 years?
    I lost 10 years of my life with this person. God bless him and I pray to God to help me with this situation
    The worst thing that ever ever happened to me in my life.
    I have tears in my eyes I can’t keep writing my heart is F….Broken.

    • Gina Becker June 12, 2013

      I read your entire story and wanted to reach out to you. I lost my son in Jan 07 to a heroin overdose. He was so loving but the drugs took over. You are right to pull away from your boyfriend but you have to believe he really did love you at one point. The person you are seeing now is not the same person you fell in love with. As a mom, I was always so grateful to the people who loved my son, even when he didn’t deserve their love. I wrote a book Play It Again, by Gina Becker. It is a “what if” book, what if the addict’s soul got reincarnated and they got to live a clean life. If you feel up to reading it, please contact me and let me know. I will be praying for you.

  38. bella April 30, 2013

    it will be 16 years this year, that my dad or whoever he is to me, that he hasn’t been around all because of an addiction that took over his life, my mum stayed with him for many years i have two older sisters and when my mum finally had me she realized she cant change someone who doesn’t wanna change them themselves, she realized no matter what she couldn’t keep fighting a losing battle, she couldn’t put us through it anymore, she realized she had to focus on rasing three daughters and giving them a good life and future and a chance, my dad use to sell our things just so he could get his drugs he use to rob people places just so he could get more drugs he use to be in and out of jail just for his bad mistakes he did to get the drug or what he did on the drug it messed him up so much, but we couldnt change him, so she decided to leave him he had his chances to see us but he never did or still never has tried, the drug controlls his life, he has never payed child support and still to this day he makes exuces not to pay it and when we do get it they take it out off his bank so he has no choose, mum lost her whole childhood intill she was about 28 she realised shes tried everything to helpp him but theres no helping him, his to far down the road, no one knows what its like and its so hard cause i act so strong about it but really i hate not knowing him id like to meet him just once i always think what if he dies and i never get to meet him but think i think why should i bother seeing him he wouldnt care if he died and never seen his kids. He lost seeing us grow up and seeing how we turn out, i ******* hate drugs.

  39. Mary Ann June 12, 2013

    Reading all the comments above: heroin really is the devil. Or, at least it will turn your life into hell. I have a beautiful 25 year old daughter… we were always close . I was a single Mom and worked many hours to raise her. A few years ago her punk-**** boyfriend started her on heroin. Ever since that day I have never been the same either. This is the most powerful pain I have experienced in my life and I have not had an easy life.. Since then, she have been in the hospital over 20 times… died in my arms once and been on a medical induced coma. She is not taking Heroin now, but there is always the next relapse, the next trip though the mud and the filth of the world. I had her stay at my house until she was better. The ex heroin user that stayed here had none of the sweet personality traits that my daughter used to have. Who was that person? And how could she leave me with such a mess to clean? Now the lies are non stop and she is a thief. Her pride and values are non existent and she sees me as something else to abuse. I miss my daughter — the beautiful daughter that I used to have. I cant adequately articulate the depths of my sadness. Sometime I think of the beautiful grandchildren that I would have had and the lost holidays with my daughter and once again I am inconsolable. HEROIN—- YOU SUCK

    • JDex September 11, 2013

      Your post was hard to read. I’m a single guy struggling through my heroin addiction but I will not get a girlfriend to bring her along for the ride. It can only end one way. I’ve been struggling to find sobriety the last few years and have everything I need in life to be successful. I just have to find the will power to break free from this drug. Anyways, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened to your daughter. This guy was bad news and the drugs only amplified it… because I do not do this to other people. My trip is solo. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

  40. Jenny June 20, 2013

    I met someone one year ago he was an ex herion addict, he was beautiful he was very damaged tho, your typical bad boy it was attractive but not practical, I would of done anything for him I looked so forward to spending my time with him nothing intimate ever happened he had hep c due to his addiction, but as I got to know him more I found out he had been in prison for serious things, we became closer and closer I thought I was totally in love then…. he was found in possession of other drugs and was sent back to prison. I was left horrified but thought I was maybe better off. I received a letter and choose to icnore it but it played on mind for months I dreamed of him every night I became obsessed, I finally sent hm a letter with my numb we have been in contact and I feel I cant live without him. I didnt mention im in a long term relationship but I dont no what to do can I ever be with an addict ? Would he lie like before? Im no angel but drugs scare me .

  41. Happiness July 8, 2013

    Hi to everyone and thank you for sharing your stories. They have all been very helpful one way or another.

    I am not an addict or any type of user, however my boyfriend of 3 years is trying to overcome his addiction to pills. Before we met he was a heroin user. I found out after 3 months and i was shocked and devastated. I thought i’d met such a wonderful person…and he is a wonderful person from a wonderful & supportive family. I love them dearly.
    I’m writing because i am now very tired of being in a relationship of this nature. All of the women who wrote about their relationships with their partners, the lies, the double personalities, the stealing, the empty promises etc etc etc…. I feel you on every level. However I cannot feel or begin to understand those of you who said you decided to try H because of the mental trauma.. sorry but I just don’t get that part unless you were already a user at some point in your lives, then okay. But if not, what a ridiculous thing to do after all you’ve been through.

    So the main point is that i am going to end my 3 year relationship with my ‘wonderful’ guy for 2 reasons. Firstly because i can no longer live with the fears and the lies. I want my happy life back and i want a healthy relationship with someone i can trust.
    I’m not tough or stronger than any of you. Breaking up will be difficult…he will probably become more depressed than ever for a while. He will cry, i will cry, we’ll both fear the emptiness, i will worry about him for ever, just as i have done for the the past 3 years. And i will miss the gorgeous, handsome, caring, loving man i fell in love with.
    But i feel its now something that has to be done..
    Secondly, i am breaking up with him because i cannot help him…i am only enabling him. He needs to now get through this by himself. ( without me at least) His family will never turn their backs on him and this is very comforting for me to know he will always have support. I know its not the same for many of you, and that you feel guilty if you leave because probably you really are the only person he/she has.
    However i do feel guilty that i will leave him, but ladies (and guys if u are going through the same)… We are people too. Our partners know that they are destroying our lives, our health and our happiness. They see our pain (caused by them) they see how sad and depressed we have become, yet they continue choosing to use. And yes, it is a choice every single time!
    These people chose to take drugs and abuse it. Yes, its sad…and i feel sorry and i love and care for each and every addict who is suffering out there. I support and participate in every anti drug or awareness campain going and i want so much for the world to be rid of this horrible evil that turns beautiful souls into living nightmares! But i cannot change the world, i cannot make my boyfriend stop taking drugs, and i cannot watch him suffering with pain, regrets, guilt, depression etc any longer. The lies i’m sure most of you agree, are the absolute worst thing….not knowing what the hell to believe and knowing you cannot trust the one person you should be able to trust. You, (me) all of us, we say we love our partners. But which one do we love? The nice, drug free lovely one we fell in love with ? Well that person is temporary. And so should be the relationship you have with him/her. There has to be a TIME OUT ! a Limit! Why do we suffer this shitty situation for years and years knowing full well we are embarking on one hellish long journey? Love? Really? I think we need to seriously re-think the word Love. There is only one love here and its called Tough Love! Try it and lets move on… We have given years to these people..We didn’t turn our backs, we kept loving and caring and trying in every little way we could…and we even got verbally abused & robbed for all our efforts. As i said earlier, my partner will no doubt feel lost without me in his life, he may even sink lower for a period… but by no means will this be easy for me because Yes, i do Love him ! I don’t know if he just needs me or really loves me as he says he does…But the sure thing is that I love ME! So i’m moving on and you should pretty much do the same. Think about it…A miserable life with Drugs?…A Happier life without it ? Hmmmm!!?? …I made my choice just as he/she has continually made theirs.
    Good luck people… and take care of you now. You deserve some peace. x

  42. kim August 6, 2013

    I have read these storys and I’m a recovery addict I’ve been clean 6months its been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face I have done nothing but hurt ppl took from them and whatever else I have 2 wonderful children and man that loves me so much and for 13 years I’ve been fighting all I know u have to really want to be clean and mean it there are ppl out there that will help and listen the first step say u want help and do life can be so great without drugs I have never been happier then I am now just remember everyone can do it and take it day by day

  43. JDex September 11, 2013

    So, I’ve been battling heroin addiction going on two years now with some clean time along the way. My longest period was 60 days and next only 10. I cannot begin to explain the grip this drug has on you after you’ve tried it… don’t make my mistake. The funny thing is.. I’m accomplished. Master’s degree, great job, nice apartment, nice car, and everything I need to live happily. However, I have this darkness in my life that most people around me are unaware of. Because of my successes I’ve been able to hide my addiction given that I would be the last person to suspect. I’m completely burnt out of this lifestyle though… yet I cannot stay clean for any amount of time. The whole ritual of getting dope, preparing it, banging it, and the experience of the nod always brings me back for more. I’ve been to NA, and have a significant background it fitness and the gym. During my last period of sobriety I put all my muscle back on weighing in at 192lbs at 9% bodyfat. I thought that would be enough… yet I fell into the cycle of relapse yet again. I need to change my life… but I’m missing the answer.

  44. Heather November 4, 2013

    I am a recovering heroin addict getting clean was the hardest thing I have ver had to do but i am happier now then I have ever been for those addicts out there i hope u reach your rock bottom and ask for help before its to late I lived in hell for years lying to my family stealing from them but they were still there for me in the end even my fiance and he got the worst of it you can do it I promise you just have to wabt it bad enough

  45. Gloria Diab November 30, 2013

    Here is part of my husband’s story. 3 years clean. http://dangerouspotentialministries.com/2013/04/28/heroin-part-1-exit-9/

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